This morning I had my very first Human Design reading by someone who has been coaching through this for over 15 years.
Human Design is a lot less popular than astrology and other woo jazz, but I can solely attribute thicc chunks of my deconditioning to this.
There's 4 main types of human designs and I'm what's called a Projector.
Of all the types, projectors are a part of the minority who don't "generate" their own energy. In other words, it's not sustainable for me to just will power my way into having a sudden burst of energy to get shit done.
I rely on the energy from other people and the environments around me.
Unfortunately, since we only make up about 20% of the population, we often end up being conditioned by 70% of the population that thrive off of "locking in", being disciplined, and having the consistency of a TV show like South Park.
When "locker-inners" are aligned they set a very admirable standard for what success looks like and how it should be achieved.
But for people like me, the second I try to live a day in their life I become exhausted, bitter, and my creativity leaves me like an embarrassing fart. I felt so much shame for feeling the way I felt about my work, my hobbies, habits I wanted to start – basically anything that required effort to achieve relied on a fluctuating energy source.
OR! I didn't have to try at all and shit came to me like I was a freakin' genius and I couldn't explain how my way made any sense. So it seemed like a fluke.
I didn't understand what made what happen. But most of the time, when I was trying to keep up with the majority, I would constantly ask myself stuff like:
"What's wrong with me?"
"Why can't I finish all my documentation at work?"
"Am I just not cut out to run a business?"
"Why is it so hard for me to upload a YouTube video on a consistent schedule?"
"Am I just Lazy?"
After I burned out in my first year as a physical therapist, I got better at understanding how to listen to my body.
But that only made me feel like I was a weakling. I'd do 2-3 hours of work in a day and I'd feel wiped.
And because that felt embarrassing, I'd push myself anyways to try to harden myself to the load, even though I had a cold sore the size of a moon crater. It felt like the tradeoff was to ignore my body, put up with feeling like shit, and then I can recover after I finish xyz, abc, and elemenopee. Then a friend discovered human design, but specifically a coach who is also a projector, and shared her channel with me.
What had me was that after watching her YouTube videos and hearing about how she set up her coaching business around her energy, I was like, "OMG. ME TOO GIRL!" Coaching clients every other week, no work before 10am, working only 2-4 hours a day, having deliberate alone time, and saying no to a shitload of anything.
Oh, and showering at the end of a heavy peopling day to "wash away their energies" because that shit will continue to drain you. Apparently we look like a walking vault for people's secrets which can also turn into a trauma dumping ground.
You might be reading this like, "pffft in what world can you only work 2-4 hours?"
To you, this may sound like an impossible dream life. But to projectors, this is literally what we need to survive and operate at our best.
And this type of operating doesn't fit in well in a society where constant, uninterrupted effort is worshipped as the ideal way.
This is why projectors burn out so easily, because we try to cosplay as likable characters that share no superpowers with us.
We become angry and resentful towards ourselves because it feels like we should be rewarded like everyone else, but aren't. And when we're fried, we still see all kinds of things others don't, but have no energy to back it up and act on it, so we get overlooked.
If we're lucky, we have a few people in our lives that don't seem to judge us for our low quantity output, because they see the quality in what we do.
I'd have to get burned 6, 7, 8, 9 times to understand I needed to surrender the idea of trying to do things like everyone else.
But I always felt embarrassed about it.
Until I started experimenting with what it would be like to try to embrace my projector-ness and see if it would actually work.
And lo n' behold, with unclenched ass cheeks I began to unlearn the deeper "shoulds" that were causing me to feel conflicted inside. So I set up guardrail after guardrail to keep me from driving off into the "you should do it like this" abyss.
Stopping myself whenever I'd be like, "I needa work 16 hours since I didn't work yesterday" or when I'd want to tell Abbey all the things I got done in a day to feel accomplished.
After making an honest effort to live out my human design, I can clearly see the gifts I've picked up as well as the misaligned conditioning.
Today I was reminded that when a projector honors their energy and sets boundaries with the people around them, they can become the most efficient and productive people on the planet – and it looks like everything comes to them easily.
We can just be chillin, having fun, resting and then when we get to work we POP AWF.
We get into a flow where our ideas, systemizing, and creating just click. It's like magic.
Like Alchemizing.
"For projectors, slow is fast and depth is more powerful than breadth," Veronica said.
One of my former coaching clients is a projector as well. Since she's one of (now) 3 people I know that are projectors, I asked her what insights she's had since knowing. She had a banger of a line.
"The magic is in the resting."
TRUTH. *finger snaps*
At the end of my human design reading, I asked Veronica why she niched down to only be working with projectors. She had three clear reasons.
1. The majority of her coaching clients were already projectors 2. She liked working with them the most 3. She was pissed that none of the business and productivity advice was helpful to us, and it made things worse when we tried it.
At some point I could feel the hell out of her passion (cuz I'm a projector) and she told me she's on a mission to help projectors be the best they can be.
"How can I support the mission?" I asked.
She said, "Go out and be the best projector you can be and own it."
I nodded my head and wrote this in my journal as my eyes started to water up.
(Damn it feels good to have permission to just be you.)
I'm sharing these things with you because you might be a projector, friend. Or more likely, you might know someone who's a projector pretending to be someone they're not and suffering for it.
Either way, I want you to be aware of this because owning my projector-ness has changed my life in so many healthy ways. And you can help yourself or someone else avoid another cycle of burnout.
All it took was for one person to put it on my radar so that I could learn to lean into it.
And whether I knew it or not, most things I've created have been more projector-coded than I thought, including the philosophy I'm building called Task Alignment.
Aligning what you do, with the best of who you are.
You might know about it as the app I've built, but from the start I knew I wanted this to be everything. An app, a book, a practice, an action, and a philosophy that gives people permission and guidance to operate at their best.
After today's call it just validated the millions of decisions I've made to make sure that Task Alignment is meant for any human design – especially projectors. So if you wanna find out what your human design is, you can go to Veronica's website and use her calculator thingy.
I don't get anything in return for sharing this and unless she's on my email list, she doesn't even know I've shared this to you.
Just tryna support the mission. ✌🏾TTYL!✌🏾
Simie | The Lazy Alchemist
P.S. If you find out you're a projector, I'd love to hear from you. The numbers are small but the impact of knowing one in your life is huge! |
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