Hey Friend!
It’s no surprise that when the new year comes around we start trying to answer life’s existential questions with journaling prompts and get super pumped up about goal setting. This is good. But there’s usually a step that everyone skips that causes people to lose clarity on what they really want. Allow me to elaborate on how this step works by using a question that my wife and I can often ask:
“What do you want to eat for dinner?"
If we’re lucky, we’ll figure it out in a matter of seconds. If we’re not, we go in circles of indecisiveness because we don’t wanna settle on something we don’t reeeeally want. Then we get so hungry it hurts, resorting to protective instincts that lead to survival mode. 1 hour later we’re fending for ourselves eating instant ramen or lame sandwiches with the flappy bread butts holding questionable contents together.
If I can remember, I sometimes start suggesting a bunch of things I KNOW we don’t wanna eat and eventually 👉🏾 it surfaces what we really want ✨ Then if it’s narrowed down to two options and we still can’t decide, we’ll flip a coin. But in the moment it’s twirling in the air 👉🏾 my gut already knows which one I want more, regardless of what George Washington decides.
Here’s what this means:
If you don’t know what you don’t want, it makes it less clear to know what you DO want.
I know, that was weirdly said and maybe confusing so here’s what I actually mean:
If you don’t know what your problems are, the solutions aren't going to be clear.
The Prompt: Make a list of all the things you DON'T want in your life and/or the problems you’re facing.
Here’s some things on my list:
👎🏾Student loan debt
👎🏾Long work commute
👎🏾Dry skin
👎🏾Not seeing close family/friends
👎🏾Tobi licking his paws non stop 🐕
Your list can include ANYTHING. Here’s some examples:
😐 Creaky, splintery, hand me down furniture from grandma that you’re only keeping out of guilt
😐 Bad sleep
😐 Bad breath
😐 Social media accounts that trigger you, but can’t help but read the comments and trigger yourself even more
😐 Headaches or migraines
😐 Sh*tty “friendships”
😐 Hang nails
😐 Eternal laundry folding sessions
You get it.
Be honest and list as many as you can. Some of these things are going to be super obvious… but as we know about journaling, there’s something about writing it down that changes our focus and perspective.
This exercise might stir up some negative emotions and the list might seem overwhelming or even depressing to look at. But this is often the first step required to find clarity in what you want in life. Remember, we're just listing problems for now, not coming up with solutions...yet.
I don't really understand why it took me so long to come up with this or why I haven't come across a prompt like this sooner. As a physical therapist it would make NO sense for me to start chucking solutions at a patient before taking the time to understand their problems. Or if I brought my car in the shop, I'd be suuuper skeptical if someone started making random "repairs" before either of us even knew what was going on (skipping diagnostic testing has costed me lots of mulah).
Anyway, keep adding to the list as things continue to come up and if you have any “a-ha” moments doing this exercise, feel free to reply to this email and lemme know what you experienced.
That’s all for now! I’m already excited for the next email hehe.